Bigfoot Is Unstreamable

What a big foot you have 😏

Unstreamable is a column that recommends movies and TV shows you can’t watch on major streaming services in the United States. It drops every Wednesday. 

Jas Keimig is away in NYC this week, so we asked Scarecrow’s Leo Mayberry to step in for a special BIGFOOT WEEK about OPERATION BIGFOOT, Scarecrow’s quest to build the largest archive of Bigfoot-related physical media on the planet. Leo’s hunting down every film ever made about the legendary cryptid, and it’s probably not surprising that a lot of them aren’t available on the big streamers.

Here’s what the team added to the section this week:

Want to join the operation? Donate or sponsor a movie!

BIGFOOT AND WILDBOY

USA, 1977-1979, 30 min episodes, Created by Joe Ruby and Ken Spears

Just a couple of dudes.

Biiiiii Yaaaaa Baaaahhh! Those three syllables, bellowed by a bigfoot, were the rallying cry for adventure for children plopped down in front of the TV and left to the devices of Sid and Marty Krofft in the late ’70s. “Bi Ya Ba,” gargled out Wookie-style, preceded super-hero leaps, boulder-tossing, or vehicle-flipping, all performed in slow-motion with the ’70s synth windup and wind down made popular by the Bionic Man and Woman.   

Bigfoot and Wildboy‘s title lets us know it’s not just a solo Bigfoot out there. Eight years before the events we’re seeing, the opening song tells us that Bigfoot found some kid lost in the woods of the Great Northwest and raised him to be “Wildboy.” (We like to think “The Wild Boys” of the Duran Duran song were all raised by Bigfoot.) The duo hang out in very California-looking woods, chill with whatever animals the studio people can wrangle away from the Grizzly Adams folks, and I guess eat nuts and berries while grooming each other or whatever. Being Bigfoot’s youthful ward gets you a tunic made of leather and not much else but companionship from a furry dude who chooses not to wear a tunic.

Mercifully spicing things up, a series of assholes stop by to threaten nature and keep Bigfoot and Wildboy hoppin’, tossin’ rocks, and sprintin’ in slow motion. Sid and Marty Krofft weren’t fuckin’ around and gave kids what they wanted: The show features a mummy, abominable snowman, bulging-forehead aliens, and even a second bigfoot. This one has fangs and is an uncultured dick.

Squatch rating: I have to say that the Bigfoot from Bigfoot and Wildboy is pretty goddamn charismatic. He’s got a nice mane of ’70s locks from head to toe, and he speaks a weird, grunty language that we had assumed was Sasquatch-ese, but the other sasquatch he meets doesn’t seem to understand a word of it. Overall, we get cool older brother vibes from him and assume that Matthew McConaughey based his David Wooderson performance on a heavy study of Bigfoot and Wildboy

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Five Star Squatch. LEO MAYBERRY

Find it in the big foot. You can’t miss it. It’s a big hairy foot.

 

HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS (TV SERIES)

USA, 1991-1993, half-hour sitcom, no credited creators

As long as the check clears.

Three seasons? You’re telling me this thing ran for THREE seasons? Well, hopefully someone got something out of it.

The forgotten step-child of a moderately-remembered film, Harry and the Hendersons (the TV series) ran for 72 episodes, and the only business justification I can think of for its existence is selling syndication packages to independent stations (shoutout to all the KAYU-28-Spokane fans), and maybe amortizing the cost of what must have been a very expensive sasquatch suit by top-tier creature expert Rick Baker.

Critics were not particularly kind to this “insipid remake,” as the LA Times called it: “The cast seems unmoved by the scripts and overplays itself to a laugh machine that also seems indifferent to the occasion.”

Is there anything of value to be absorbed from this curious artifact? Well, it’s set in Seattle of the early ‘90s, and it’s mildly interesting to see what Amblin Entertainment thought life in the PNW was like at that point (essentially, like any other suburb but with slightly more exposed timber). 

Squatch rating: Because the show does not seem to be motivated to retain the audience’s attention, my mind can’t help but wander when thinking about it; I find myself dwelling on its absolute and utter failure to perceive the rise of Grunge culture. Seattle in 1991 was, of course, a fascinating time for music and art – oh, if only they had attempted to cash in on the trend. I don’t know that it would have been good, per se, but watching them try to shoehorn flannel and distorted guitar into the bigfoot-show would have been a treat for the ages.

⭐❌❌❌❌ One Star Squatch. MATT BAUME

This one’s not on the Bigfoot shelf. Or anywhere on physical media. You can find the movie though.

 

LITTLE BIGFOOT

USA, 1997, 96 min, Dir. Art Camacho

AH!

So there’s Mrs. Bigfoot and Little Bigfoot, and they live in the PNW (another very California-looking PNW), and they’re on the lam. Local loggers are hunting their asses, and, thanks to director Art Camacho’s background as a stunt guy, the film spends a stupid amount of time chasing the fam with high-speed pickup trucks and willy-nilly shotguns. Mrs. gets hurt while the hicks try to mow her down. Little needs to find a cure. Then a family on vacation gets too involved in aiding and abetting this cryptid. The kid from Sleepless in Seattle (Ross Malinger) plays the human ingenue opposite Little Bigfoot. Malinger does an okay job (he’s very committed!!), but how his kid-career slipped from Sleepless in Seattle to Little Bigfoot over four years is a study in mismanagement.

Squatch rating: I should have prepared myself for how disconcerting this movie would be. Reviews on Letterboxd warned me (“One star: Scariest bigfoot on screen ever”), but they didn’t capture this family of bigfeets’ strange and spooky hulkishness. Up close, Little Bigfoot is… fine. Big eyes. Furry head. Buck teeth. But when the camera pulls back to see Little hobbling through the woods, it’s clear this Little Bigfoot is a nightmare. A nightmare I won’t forget, though. So… mid-tier Squatch? I’d still throw a rock at it.

⭐⭐⭐❌❌ Three Star Squatch. CHASE BURNS

This one you can find on the Bigfoot shelf 😊

 

Looking for more? Browse our big list of 350+ hard-to-find movies over on The Stranger.

Got a recommendation? Give us the scoop at unstreamablemovies@gmail.com.

 

Make sure you’ve got a seat: Tickets are selling for our Unstreamable series at Northwest Film Forum.

The fine print: Unstreamable means we couldn’t find it on Netflix, Hulu, Shudder, Disney+, or any of the other hundreds of streaming services available in the United States. We also couldn’t find it available for rent or purchase through platforms like Prime Video or iTunes. Yes, we know you can find many things online illegally, but we don’t consider user-generated videos, like unauthorized YouTube uploads, to be streamable.

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