by Kevin Clarke and Travis Vogt

Neil Armstrong:
“Giant leap for mankind it is, but for man, one small step.”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt:
“Fear itself, the only thing we have to fear is”

Julius Caesar:
“Came, saw and conquered, I did.”

Theodore Roosevelt:
“A big stick, carry, and softly walk, we must.”

Charles Dickens:
“Than I have ever done, that I do, a far, far better thing it is. Than I have ever known, I go to than, a far, far better rest it is.”

Mark Twain:
“Tragedy plus time, comedy is.”

Mahatma Gandhi:
“The whole world blind, ends up making, an eye for an eye.”

John Wilkes Booth:
“Tyrannis, semper sic.”

George W. Bush:
“Once, fool me, on shame, you shame on. Again fool me, fooled again, can’t.”

John F. Kennedy:
“For you, what your country can do, ask not. For your country, what you can do, ask.”

Samuel L. Jackson:
“Your butts, hold on to, you must.”

Michael Corleone:
“Pull me back in, they do, every time I’m out, I think.”

Eleanor Roosevelt:
“Rarely make history, do well-behaved women.”

John McClane:
“Kay yay, motherfucker, yippie.”

Malcolm X:
“Plymouth Rock land on we did not, on us, landed plymouth rock.”

Richard Nixon:
“Yoda, anymore to kick around, have you will not.”

Kevin Clarke and Travis Vogt are Seattle-based comedians and dipshits. They also happen to work at Scarecrow Video.